Blokes are always on a quest to impress. To assert our manliness. I thought this month I would list some of the strange things that make men feel manly.

Opening Jars: Especially if you say “That’s alright, babes – you loosened it for me”. Bollocks! We all know opening jars is man’s work! Man points +1

Catching insects: She screams and hides in the corner of the room. You march in with your sword and shield (paper cup and bit of card), and bravely confront the beast (1 inch spider) and banish it from your home. Will fair maiden give me a token of her affection? No, because she’s tired. Man points +4

Talking about tools as you buy them: Be careful with this one, as it can backfire! I remember in the early days of our relationship buying glue with my Jenny and saying “This is the best because it’s adhesive”, just for the far older, wiser, and handy store assistant to say “Well it wouldn’t be glue if it wasn’t adhesive, would it, son?”. SH*******T! To compound my embarrassment my Jenny gave me a kiss after and went “Aw, did you lose man points?” Potential man points gained + 5. Potential man points lost -100

Knowing something about cars: A sports car drives buy and all your mates comment on how cool it is. You were watching Top Gear last night and that car was on it! Quick! Remember and repeat what you heard Jeremy Clarkson say before anyone else says it! They all look astounded at your knowledge, but then what did they expect from such a macho man! Man points: +10

Fixing something no matter how small: The door handle fell off the door. Your missus asks you to fix it. You just need to screw 4 screws and a screwdriver, but nothing can take this momentous feeling away from you! Sure it was a small job, but the fact is – she couldn’t do it! You’re truly ready to brand cattle now! Man points +15

Being late to the pub: Because by the time you get there, your mates are already pissed. So when they see you, in unison they heckle “WHAAAAY!” in an attempt to make you look foolish. Instead though the rest of the pub thinks you are THE MAN! Man points +100